1. Wow, why is it so hot?

I mean I knew it’d be hot, but not this hot. Average conversation on the east coast: “Gee, I hope it gets up to 80 degrees today so I can go to the pool!”. Not even a pool can save you from the sun here.

  1. Why do you have so many professional sports teams?

You guys have so many teams that you even get to pick ones to hate.  On the east coast, you’re die-hard the hand you’re dealt.  Or in the case of us in Virginia, we have no professional sports teams, so life is just boring and everyone you encounter probably disagrees with whoever you’ve chosen to be a fan of.

  1. Does it always flood when it rains?

Why doesn’t the water just drain? I don’t understand. Last summer I was home in Virginia and it rained for literally 5 days straight and at the end of the storm we still had to add some water to the pool because it was low.

  1. What the heck is H.E.B. and why is it the only grocery store that exists here?

Isn’t there some sort of law against monopolies or something? I feel like HEB is  the mafia in Texas, except it is actually really awesome and totally not illegal.  But real talk, is it pronounced H-E-B or just straight up “heb”?  Where is Kroger and Food Lion? I NEED OPTIONS PEOPLE.  But lowkey their gas prices rock.

  1. Why does everyone think “sleet” and “snow” are synonymous?

News flash, they’re different. Sleet is tiny pellets of ice and snow is crystallized water. Different.  It started sleeting last year in December and all the girls on my hall ran outside and took pictures with the “snow” only for the girl across my hall, who was from Seattle, and me to crush their dreams by telling them it wasn’t snow.  When I was in high school, we got two feet of snow and my car got stuck in my driveway so I walked to school and no one was impressed. That was normal.

  1. What the heck is “Carl’s Jr.” and why is the logo exactly the same as Hardee’s?

Is Carl’s Jr. the rougher twin of Hardee’s that grew a beard at 12 and ran away to the West? I thought those “Left Twix” and “Right Twix” commercials were a joke but is that what is going on here? Either way, we can all agree that the star shaped chicken nuggets are greatly missed.

  1. Wait, so I could drive for 12 hours and still be in Texas?

I didn’t actually realize that Texas was actually as big as it looks on a map. To compare, it took my family 12 hours to drive to 5 states away to Disney World.

  1. What on Earth is Whataburger?

What is the point of stealing the numbers? What do the numbers on the ketchup mean?  Why would you even have different ketchups? Is it the Texas version of In-N-Out ? SO MANY QUESTIONS.

  1. So people don’t ride horses to school and stuff? Or do they?

Honestly, I thought Texas was just a desert filled with pro-gun people and UT. Although I now know that that clearly was a hasty assumption.

  1. What is with your obsession with the state shape and flag?

When I went to HEB (yes, the monopoly store because DID I HAVE A CHOICE?) I found Texas-shaped cheese, pans, cookies, waffle makers, and pretty much anything else you can make into the shape of Texas. Then add onto that the amount of Texas flags EVERYWHERE. Cars, clothes, house décor, literally anything.  I can honestly say I’ve never seen anything A) in the shape of Virginia or B) with the Virginia flag on it. I don’t even think I could draw our state flag.