My football coach once told us that there are only three rules to life:
Rule 1: All girls are crazy.
Rule 2: All guys are jerks.
Rule 3: There are no exceptions to rules 1 and 2.
Ladies, we need to talk about Rule 1.
It’s a scientific fact, or at least I think it should be to males, that all girls are crazy. It’s just something we learn along the way. Or maybe something a coach told us that has stuck with us. Ok, I know not all girls are crazy. But we’re definitely from different planets.
Just as a warning, I have not yet earned my PhD on the subject, but I do have a decent amount of personal insight. So this is a piece for girls more than it is for boys.
Girls, don’t try so hard. It seems too many of you go out of your way to get guys to notice you. The problem with this is, more times than not, all dudes are thinking about is video games and football. It’s not that we are playing hard to get, we just don’t get it. We truly don’t sit around dissecting encounters with females. If the subject does come up, there is not a lot of time spent discussing it. I may be generalizing here, because I do know some guys who do talk about girls a little too much.
So if I haven’t managed to turn you, female reader, off, here is some advice:
Tip 1: Girls, I just want you to know one thing: YOU ARE ALWAYS RIGHT. Men have learned to just smile and nod when we disagree because it makes all of our lives easier. So take my advice and throw a guy a bone. Let him be right one time, please.
Tip 2: Every “Letter to My Future Boyfriend” goes unread on our news feeds. Suggestion: Change the title to something more interesting so males will be tricked into reading it. Still might not read it.
Tip 3: Give a guy your number sometime. Realize we hold all the pressure, and it’s time y’all step up. Sometimes you require us to do things that, honestly, guys are just too nervous to do.
Tip 4: Don’t deprive us of our manly (and sometimes weird) hobbies. If we want to grow a mustache, let us be free. This is a key to all men’s pride.
Tip 5: Be yourself. Guys respect real.
Tip 6: Don’t pretend to like sports if you don’t actually like them. It’s obvious.
Tip 7: If you disagree with these comments, please refer to rule 2. I can’t help it.