Ever wondered what shoes and holidays have in common? No? It’s okay – you’re not alone. Regardless of whether or not it’s crossed your mind, shoes have a lot to say about the status of your holiday spirit. Ready for New  Year’s? Still stuck in a blissful Thanksgiving coma? Doling out stale candy from Halloween? Planning your Christmas-list PowerPoint and mapping out the rest of the living room around the tree?

Wherever you fall on the merriment spectrum, there’s a shoe for you, and a you for a shoe.

So, let’s see what you (or your shoes) have to say…

1. Converse

Photo courtesy of TheStocks

Swing up your toes and click your heels, Dorothy — I’m wearing Converse to Christmas dinner. It’s fine, really, I don’t need common sense to brave the mall crowds, I just need self-direction and a clean pair of laces. Call me practical or call me a student of the culture; I’m a lover of staples, possibly normcore (but is that even a thing? Can’t we just say, 90s-rom com — dad-chic?). Don’t count me out when it comes to Starbucks, but don’t try to box me in, either — if James Dean sported Converse, so can I. The black-and-white pair come out of hiding when I can’t find shoes to match my outfit in the morning, and the white for lunch dates or brunch or heading to class or game day or any other acceptable public venue.

Go Christmas! Go Santa Claus!

Let’s just get to the mall and get this over with.

2. Hiking Boots

Photo courtesy of unsplash.com
Photo courtesy of unsplash.com

Can’t you see how practical these are? I mean, yeah, they might not be beautiful, but they’re like the godchild of Uggs: durable enough to keep your feet warm, dry, and scent-free this holiday season. What’s that? Did I — I stepped on your toes? Sorry, I’m a bit clumsy, but it’s the ice, you know? Can’t be helped. In other news, I’m leaving town sometime soon — either to begin my one-person trek across the country or go back to college. You decide.

It’s Christmas. I’m sort of happy. Can someone hand me the saw? I’m going to cut down the Christmas tree. Sure, everyone else can take a turn, but I’m actually the only one qualified to cut it down.

3. Athletic slides

Photo Courtesy of unsplash.com
Photo Courtesy of unsplash.com

Since when are Birkenstocks or athletic slides in the winter not acceptable? Since it’s been cold outside? Never fear, I’ll add socks. There we go. A blanket for my toes. If I step  in a puddle — I might be doomed — but this is easier than lacing up boots, so…

I’ll volunteer to run to the grocery store for chocolate chips. Also cake mix and cranberry jelly and decaf coffee for the relatives that get a little too hyped on the regular stuff. Just let me grab my keys and a beanie. What if it’s too cold for a beanie? What if it’s too cold for these socks?

I could just take them both off. It’s December, I’m from the East Coast, it’s fine! Never met a blizzard I couldn’t handle.

4. Dress shoes

Photo courtesy of unsplash.com
Photo courtesy of unsplash.com

High heels (or dress shoes) are go-shoes for any season, any time, any place. Relatives or well-meaning friends who think otherwise can come debate me. Oh, so you think my heels will slip through the cracks in the sidewalk? It happens. It really does. Also, sometimes ice gets lodged in the back of your shoe — that’s quite a good morning, sunshine. But you get over it. And you move forward. Because today, in these shoes, I am a boss lady/man, and I refuse to admit defeat.

Except in cases where I’m trapped in the mall for six hours, behind a Medusa with thirteen shopping bags and a herd of teenagers pretending to smoke their plastic straws. Then I might just ease out one foot, then the other. Stand here in line with my bare feet on this hazardous floor and pretend it’s all okay. Because it is. Really, it is.

Christmas is the season of sharing and caring, after all. And what says caring more than bare feet and a brief reprieve from the sound of heels clinking?

5. Riding boots

Photo courtesy of unsplash.com
Photo courtesy of unsplash.com

Out of all the shoes on this list, I am the only one that reads: still-longing-for-fall. We were great together, crunching through the autumn leaves. Can’t you let me into your heart for one season longer? After all, there will be no cold heels or kneecaps when I roll around. Printed winter socks? I welcome them. Tights, or thigh-highs? (That threaten even the bravest dresser’s sanity in case of wind, sandals and short skirts.) Done and done.

Don’t talk to me about Christmas. Obviously, Thanksgiving was better, but now it’s over, and we can all eat lots of food again to pretend that it’s still November. I’ll turn up “Jingle Bells” and dance until the rest of the pumpkin pie is gone. Fall forever, free forever. Ho, ho, ho.