According to some research, it takes a minimum of 21 days to form a habit. It’s been disputed by other research to be closer to a couple of months instead of just 21 days, but the sentiment is the same. It takes time to develop an automatic response to things like drinking a glass of water before every meal, getting up to go on a run or making sure the bed is made before leaving the house.

In my experience, it takes about an eternity to form one good habit and a day and a half to form a bad one.

There is just something about bad habits that make them so easy to do. Whether it’s sleeping in every day, going out to eat with minimal funds or using my phone for hours instead of going to bed, bad habits pop up like sneezes in the spring.

And while I do have this grand idea to become a better, more wholesome person who doesn’t bend to my flesh’s every whim, there are some bad habits that I will never, ever change. Like ever.

1. Emotional shopping

Some people drink when they’re stressed or emotional. Others binge eat or cry. Me? I shop. I shop until I actually drop from not eating or sleeping or doing literally anything healthy for my mind and body. It’s a strain on both my mental health and my bank account, but I’d rather have a new outfit at the end of my stressing than nothing at all.

2. Drinking from the carton

Some people might find this gross, including my mom, but it’s my way of proving my dominance to all the little miscreants who think they can eat my food. Like excuse me, but I bought this with the money I had left after shopping and I don’t have time to play games.

3. Being passive-aggressive

There are two types of people in the world: Aggressive-aggressive and passive-aggressive. I happen to fall into the passive-aggressive camp where if I’m mad, you won’t know it until your life falls apart. Why do I do this? Because it’s fun, and I don’t have the energy to be aggressive-aggressive.

4. Swearing

Disclaimer for my parents, my parent’s friends and any other person who thinks I’m a good Christian girl who doesn’t speak much: God is the only one who can judge me.  I’m not even going to bring up the fact that smarter people are known to curse more. I am just going to say that I’m like the Hulk and like the Hulk, I’m always angry. So I choose to release some of that anger in colorful words instead of going “Hulk smash” on the wall or someone’s face and potentially hurting my limbs.

 

5. Using Q-tips as ear cleaners

Doctors can say all they want about the dangers of this, but I’m not budging. The sweet, sweet relief and satisfaction I get from sticking one in my ear and moving it around will always over shadow any potential perils I might face.

6. Picking fights

I pick fights on the daily. Anytime, anyplace, anyone. Whether I go through with these fights doesn’t matter. My first response to anything will be “fight me!”

7. Watching Twilight and other movies I can’t stand during that time of the month

During any other week of the month, I cannot stand Twilight or any similar, bad acting/plot movies. I physically can’t watch them without screaming at the screen. Unless, of course, I am feeling highly emotional and have a pint of ice cream in one hand, a spoon in the other and a promise to myself that I won’t eat the whole pint in one sitting. Spoiler alert: I break that promise every time.

8. Over-using slang

The amount of times I have used “same” in one year can probably outnumber how many times I’ve said any other word in my lifetime. I used to use slang like  “lit”, “fam”, “bruh” and “trash” ironically, but it’s consumed me now. I’m a walking trashcan full of over-used slang. I have accepted this and I will not change this. As the saying goes: Can’t stop, won’t stop.

9. Eating meat

Look. There is no video, no sermon, no anything that will keep me from my mom’s fried chicken, roast beef, crispy bacon, Thanksgiving turkey or any other non-vegetarian food out there.

10. Excessive salt

It might be tempting to relate this to my unwillingness to give up meat and other bad food related things, but I’m not talking about that kind of salt. I’m talking about the salt that comes from within when someone tries me too many times. The salt that arises when I have to deal with idiotic things and people far longer than my sanity can take. The salt that makes you say, “Dang girl, why you so salty!” Even though you know you’re the reason I’m saltier than the Dead Sea.

On that note, that is my list of bad habits you will not catch me breaking in this century. What bad habits do you have? Will you change yourself to become a better human being? Or will you be like me and revel in the fact that we can make people wonder why they befriended us.